Dear diary, we argued again today. I feel like my world is crashing down on me. I can’t stop feeling sad. He doesn’t understand how hard putting our baby up for adoption is for me. No one understands.

When grief is overwhelming, it can seem like there are no answers and no way out. Sadness and depression can be constant. When you manage to smile, laugh and feel happy, you still feel sadness below the surface.  

If you are expecting and have chosen adoption, you may be experiencing grief in anticipation of placing your baby for adoption. If you’ve had your baby and placed for adoption, you may be grieving, feeling loss and guilt or experiencing postpartum depression.

These are life-changing and traumatic events, and the grief process and feelings of loss from relinquishment and adoption are common. Be kind and gentle with yourself.

Because you need a safe place to share your grief, seek healthy coping tools and support, such as specialized birth mother counseling and a birth mother support group. Journaling is also another tool that is transformative and healing.    

Journaling is therapeutic, and you can use it anytime, anywhere. Keeping a journal or diary is an ancient tradition, dating back to 10th century Japan. According to, journaling has health benefits and can make a positive impact on well-being. Journaling can help you by:

  • Clarifying your thoughts and feelings
  • Knowing yourself better
  • Accepting the reality of your loss
  • Working through your pain
  • Moving forward without forgetting the loss
  • Reducing your stress
  • Improving your problem-solving skills

A journal is a healthy outlet. Putting your experiences, thoughts and feelings down, whether on paper or digitally, creates perspective and space between you and your feelings. Remember, you are not your thoughts and feelings. You are not defined by sadness, depression and guilt. That’s not who you are. It’s how you feel.

By getting your feelings out, you to better understand yourself. When you quiet the noise of too many thoughts, you can focus more clearly on finding answers, solving problems and making decisions. 

While you can’t completely resolve or reach total closure over a significant loss, you can take steps to reconcile it. Reconciling your loss means you reach a place of acceptance and peace with yourself and your decision to place your child for adoption.

Are you struggling with grief, guilt or depression? Who can help?

Contact Destiny Adoption. We can refer you to resources for pre- and post-adoption medical care, counseling and birth mom support groups.


Author: Destiny Adoption Services

Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.