“Everywhere in nature we are taught the lessons of patience and waiting. We want things a long time before we get them, and the fact that we want them a long time makes them all the more precious when they come.”Joseph F. Smith
When you love a child you haven’t met yet, the wait can be painful. Your feelings can be a confusing mix of frustration, angst, anticipation and excitement.
Patience is not only a virtue—it’s a super power, but you can do it. The best option is to be present here and now. Remember the saying: yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.
The question is “how will you use your present?” Here are ideas for you to consider.
- Stay in good communication with your adoption worker. Ask how often to check in to keep yourself informed. Also, ask your adoption worker for tools and resources to support you during your wait.
- Get ready! Paint your baby’s nursery or child’s bedroom. Purchase furnishings, décor clothing and supplies to be ready for their arrival.
- Spend time with your spouse or partner. When your child arrives, life will get busy fast. There’s no time like the present to strengthen your relationship. Schedule time together now and keep the commitment after. The better you work together as a team now the better prepared you are to do so later.
- Get things in order—arrange adoption leave, research health insurance for your child, pick a pediatrician, explore child care and prepare or update your will. Addressing these items now will allow you to enjoy your new arrival and focus on that special time together.
- There is a reason the book What to Expect the First Year has over 10.5 million copies in print! Read parenting books, spend time with other adoptive parents and get experience with friends’ babies and children to prepare yourself for parenting.
- Lean on others. Talk with family and friends during your wait time. Reach out to a counselor and your adoption worker for tools to handle feelings and fears you may be experiencing during the wait. Isolation is not a good strategy. Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s healthy to know how to ask for help and receive it. That’s a lesson that will serve you throughout parenting, which will also set a healthy example for your child.
“Don’t be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.”Ralph Waldo Emerson
Who can help?
Contact Destiny Adoption, and we can refer you to resources for pre-placement and post-placement support and counseling for adoptive parents.
Author: Destiny Adoption Services
Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.