Dear Families, Birthmoms, & Adoptees,
Each year, Destiny Adoption and Tammi J Driver Law, invite families who have chosen us to walk out their journey of building family through adoption, to celebrate and come together with the single unifier of adoption.
This year looks very different but the heart remains the same. Thank you to all the families who have trusted us with their journey. We know that there were times you doubted us or our wisdom throughout pregnancy. You chose to believe us when we said we would be there for your first/birth mom after placement walking with her and being there in her seasons of grief and anger and providing her with the tools she needs and desires to move forward in life. We love you and hope you fondly think of us at that 2am feeding, or the mess in the kitchen after making breakfast in bed or the chaos of schooling during COVID! We think of all of you often and this month especially. November is National Adoption Month and we wanted to take the time and write our thoughts and tribute to those that we work with and those that we have worked with.
To our first/ birth mommas, our hearts are there with you. We honor you, not because of how brave you were or how much you loved, but simply because you chose life and it was a hard choice. Often times your decision was full of doubts and second guessing and a “tear away” that no one will be able to understand or find a way to quantify. Our prayer is always that each of you will know that no matter the time or distance we are here to be a shoulder to grieve on, or a person to be angry with, or to be your voice when you feel you can’t speak or you’re not heard. Whatever season you find yourself in we want to be more than just the agency who you worked with on your adoption plan, but also the friend and sister who continues after the “big part” is done.
To our adoptees, we believe that you have been blessed with the love of two families, but if the blessing is not what you feel in this moment we honor that as well. We cannot fully understand the trauma you may feel, but on the other hand never want to assume you feel trauma. It’s not simple and we never want to assume it is. You also are on our hearts and minds and we hope that the awareness that is raised this month also honors your journey.
To our mommas who decided that they could not choose adoption, we see you and we believe that one of the most important core values of private adoption is your freedom to choose. We will support your adoptive family who felt a loss and we pray that you and your family are well and blessed.
Finally, to our families who have experienced the loss. Really, no words can bring comfort in the moment.
Adoption is beautiful.
Being chosen and developing a friendship with your momma is beautiful.
Until it’s not.
Our words will always sound empty and shallow but they always rise up as “truth” in us…It will all make sense one day and you’ll be able to say, “oh, I understand now why……”
This month especially we at Destiny Adoption and Tammi J. Driver Law, sit and remember. We celebrate with those who desire to celebrate and we mourn with those who need to mourn. As an adoption community, we must see and continue to raise the awareness that adoption is both beautiful and painful…both/and…