Feel Your Feels… You Will Never Be The Grinch

Every one of us, if we stop for a moment, can describe that perfect vision of Christmas. Maybe we experienced it as a child or saw it in a movie or read about it in a book. It is a feeling just as much as anything else. It is a feeling of family, home, abundance, gifts, smiles, surprises, cozy snuggles and so much more. What if this year our greatest fear is that life has chased away the hope of Christmas ever feeling that way again? What if, for many, Christmas is missing all the cheer that everyone seems to be enjoying so carefree?

COVID has changed Christmas and we’re looking for it even more so in a season that appears to be subtly putting the pressure on a holiday to redeem a year. For some, the dread and pressure of Christmas goes far beyond the dross of the struggle of a year we can’t forget quick enough.

So, we stop, at Destiny Adoption, to acknowledge and provide some hope for some wonderful people who might be feeling a range of emotions that only few can understand.

For the Birthmom who placed a child this year, we say don’t fake it. You might feel loneliness, shame, relief, anxiety, and much more. Feel it and embrace it as your body and mind telling you something. Listen to your heart and emotions. Also, let your heart feel the surprise of an unexpected gift or movie night in with friends or loved ones. Feel it all…the good and bad and let your heart find peace in the reality that you are not alone.

For the expectant mom who is struggling with the choices of adoption, abortion, and parenting, we say your struggle is yours and yours only. You are in complete control of your life and decisions and you are the only one that has to find peace in the decision you make. You can both be stressed and worried about the impending decision and also find some moments of rest and refueling during these next couple of weeks.

To the mom who is working a case plan in the foster care system and considering private adoption, we want you to know that your case plan doesn’t control your ability to find love, joy, and peace in a time when others are feeling the same. You also can be assured that this life chapter will come and go and you will MAKE IT!

To the adoptive family still waiting on a child, our heart breaks with you as you see other children in your friend and family circle opening gifts and squealing with jubilation. We know that those moments are hard and the wait seems like forever. We know that in your mind there is a stocking yet to be hung and a place on the mantle that is bare. We can only say that hope, no matter how small or confusing it may be in these moments, it is a seed worth holding on to and one worth embracing in a season where miracles do often happen.

To the mom who had her body “betray” her with a miscarriage, it hurts because it matters and your baby is sleeping with the moon and the stars. Maya Angelou said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside of you.” You are strong even when you don’t feel like it. You don’t have to “be ok.” You won’t ruin the vibes of family and friends by being real with your feels. We also realize that the constant reminder of a pregnant Mary that carried full term is a symbol of hope and gift to others but may be an unfair reminder of your great loss. Learn to love you in these moments and maybe start the journey of embracing your body again as the beautiful gift that it is.

To the adoptee that is trying to figure out family and what this all looks like, we say you are a deep well of wisdom beyond your years. What feels like being tossed in the washing machine of life has probably strengthened the core of who you are. You don’t have to manage how anyone else feels about your participation, emotions, or communication during these important moments. You have full permission to take care of you and to ask questions when things are not feeling right. Nobody, including you, was ever created to fit the mold of a biological or adoptive family. You were created to be unique and stand out and the world to place enough value on you that it makes room of your full expression.

Christmas was never about bells ringing or carolers singing. It has never been defined or measured by the fireside hot chocolate and records playing. Christmas is found in the heart. The greatest gift you can give yourself this season is YOU.

“Where Are You Christmas” Faith Hill

Where are you Christmas
Why can’t I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can’t I hear music play
My world is changing
I’m rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too

Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I’m not the same one
See what the time’s done
Is that why you have let me go

Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind

You will feel like Christmas all the time

Oh, I feel you Christmas
I know I’ve found you
You never fade away, oh

The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us

Fills each and every heart with love

Where are you Christmas

Fill your heart with love

With love, The Destiny Girls