Do you chuckle or wince every time you hear another lady talk about her “self love” day at the spa with mimosas? Do you wonder how anyone could think that is even real life for most of us?
Maybe you, like me, are just surviving and that feels like self love. For me, taking a shower the other morning in the middle of a day when I was running out of time and emotional energy, was a great moment of self love. To someone else it might feel routine, necessary hygiene, but you know what they say about another’s shoes and walking a mile.
I am learning that self love is a survival skill and it deeply rooted for most of us in self preservation. Friends, family, society, and Netflix don’t exactly celebrate our little wins. Self love has been boxed up like a damn ikea furniture kit with diagrams, vague language, and huge assumptions. Our limited resources like time, money, space, or emotional capacity are rarely taken into consideration. Well ladies…NO MORE!! I want to push back this year. I CAN DECIDE WHAT SELF LOVE IS FOR ME and you can too.
I could give you 8 steps to successful self love and probably most of you reading this will take it as another distant out of touch idea that makes you feel like you will never measure up or be able to learn to love yourself in the middle of the chaos of life. Sure, draw a bath and spread some rose petals and light some fufu candles and put on your favorite chill Spotify list. But what if the water has been shut off or tub faucet isn’t working or rose petals remind you of funerals and you had to cancel your Spotify list to afford the anxiety medication your doctor prescribed? Now that is life. That sounds a little more like reality.
Loving myself was the result of answering two things: Do you want to live? ‘Cause this is who you’re gonna be for the rest of your life. Or are you gonna just have a life of emptiness and self hatred? And I chose to live, so I had to accept myself. And I have learned to accept that most days and weeks and months if I am going to love me it will look way different than what most people would even consider self care. I have found love for me in getting out of bed and putting two feet on the ground in the morning. I have found self love in scrolling through instagram and following the trails of silly ads of things I would never buy. I have found self love in deciding I am not going to do all the steps of my skincare routine before I go to bed. Heck, I might not even wash my face at all.
I simply am asking all of us to try this…YOU and ONLY YOU get to decide what self care and self love look like today. You are the only one that knows your stress, anxieties, pressures, resources, capacity, desires, temperament, and cycle. You are the only one that decides what love looks like today.
Hey, and maybe you and I will have days where we have the time, energy and resources to paint a canvas or do a twenty minute mask with cucumbers over our eyes or take an online course and on that day, that’s what self love looks like.
Cheers to self love our way,