A Story of Strength and Self Advocacy

“I saw Kathryn today” (name changed for privacy) is how a recent incoming text started. We often update one another on cases as appropriate within our team and this one seemed different. This expectant mom was two weeks away from her due date and she had finally had enough of the way her previous agency was treating her.

Sometimes expectant moms who are exploring the option of adoption are fairly timid and don’t readily self advocate. Not Kathryn… she is a bad ass. She WAS OVER IT!! After being handed a pamphlet prepping her for the fifth degree questioning and grilling she should expect from her FIRST prospective adoptive parent meeting, she knew it was time to reclaim her own adoption journey and find an agency and team that she felt actually was interested in more than just her baby and protecting the adoptive family.

She found Destiny and that text was from our own director in TN, Kristin Mcbee (recently featured in our monthly email). Kristin expressed that Kathryn handed her the paperwork that she was given to prep her and said “Here you go! Thought you might like to see the lack luster bull#$@! those hypocritical b&#!&#* at ________ shoved down my throat in an attempt to make me think it was truth.”

Bad ass! RIGHT?? People…adoption should never feel one sided and stacked. It is a very serious and emotional decision and all parties involved deserve to be educated, advocated for and sincerely informed every step of the journey. The HIPAA disclosures, questions prep sheets, forms, agreements etc… are so overwhelming for anyone and especially an expectant mom who is considering adoption.

Why do so many agencies treat expectant moms like they are untrustworthy or like they should work on how they present themselves in order to have the “privilege” (GAGGGGG) of placing their baby with a family? IT IS WRONG!! Literally, in this pamphlet it reads “They [adoptive parents] will wonder if they can trust you [expectant mom]”. WHAT?? OK… so we agree trust is important but it usually doesn’t happen in the first meeting. Both parties involved need to build trust over the course of many meetings and eclipsed time. It can’t just be one way.

Wow! I think we all want to approach life like Kathryn. We honor the absolute guts and integrity and self advocacy it took to make a change 38 weeks into her pregnancy and make sure that she and her baby would be cared for before and after pregnancy.

May we all see Kathryn today for the strength, boldness, and refusal to be shamed and manipulated. May we see Kathryn in ourselves and remember that life is complicated and hard but no-one belongs in our Captain’s Chair.