You might be asking yourself the question… What do I do now after I have given my child up for adoption? Although we can’t provide you all the answers to best suit your unique circumstances and goals, our hope is to offer some ideas for you to consider in dealing with the overwhelming feelings and fears you may be encountering. You CAN find a new center and profound peace after placement of your child.
Embrace the existence of your child in your own time.
You might feel like not talking about or acknowledging your child and their life with the family that adopted them makes it easier on you to not feel the pain and complex emotions that many birth moms feel. That is often a very temporary band-aid on the greater lifelong journey of embracing your new life and finding profound peace. Every person handles this journey at a different pace and timing. Consider not the speed of your journey to being comfortable talking about or to your child and/or family, but that you are always trying to progress forward. Even if it is slower and taking more time than someone else in the same space, your time is your time and your heart and feelings are not like anyone else. So support your journey by being patient with YOU!
BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES.
Family, friends, co-workers, the adoptive family, everyone has opinions and questions and comments. You can answer, respond, or ignore as many or as little of these as you want. Even if someone is financially supporting you, they DO NOT have the right to force you to answer or talk about your placement journey before you are ready. Your emotional health and well being is paramount after placing a baby. “No” or “not now” are powerful tools in your mental health toolkit and no-one can take them from you.
Talk to a counselor or join a group.
Destiny Adoption offers free post-placement counseling for life and lots of amazing resources and groups for birth moms who have given up a child for adoption. Aptly named, The Ohana Project, you can join an Ohana FB group or a webinar/online group counseling session that provides an informal and sincere “place” for women who have chosen adoption. It is a safe place where the archaic opinions that heap shame and guilt will be stripped off. It is a group of women who have intentionally created a community with the goal of using that single unifier, #Birthmom, to position themselves to be the “positive voices” in one another’s life. An “always open” group for love, support, growth, healing, and connection. This can be a powerful step in finding YOUR new normal.
Finding your passion and fun again!
You get it, right? We can so easily lose our fun and forget our passions. Remind yourself before the pregnancy and before life took an unexpected turn, what you loved to do and kept you going. Are you still doing some of those things? Maybe now is the time and it will play a role in helping you find your NEW center and peace again.
YOU can do it and we are here to help!
Feel free to reach out and text with one of our Destiny Girls below or check out the #BirthmomStrong page here for some ways to connect and find a family of women who are here to support you.