Preplacement contact is helpful for everyone involved in the adoption process. It lays the foundation for future communication, builds relationships and ultimately gives the prospective birth mother more confidence in her adoption decision. If the adoption plan includes preplacement visits with the birth mother, she might invite you to attend prenatal doctor appointments with her. This is not a very common scenario. So, if it occurs, consider it a unique opportunity to create a deeper bond and express your support. Because this situation is rare, not much information is available to help guide adoptive parents through it. So, we are offering some advice for adoptive parents attending prenatal visits.
It’s All About Her
It is not easy to put another person’s needs above your own during a challenging time. However, this is precisely what you should do. Right now, the birth mother’s needs and feelings must come first. If you have questions or concerns, write them down and address them later. Depending on your relationship with her, you may need to address those questions with your adoptive support person. The focus needs to be on the prospective birth mother during the prenatal visits.
Follow the Plan
The prospective birth mother has created a comprehensive adoption plan that includes guidelines for preplacement communication. This plan may include information about how she wants prenatal appointments to occur. Or perhaps, in a less formal way, she has made her wishes clear to you. Either way, it is your responsibility to follow her plan. She might want your input or prefer to do all the talking herself. Pay close attention to her preferences, and simply follow them.
After all that advice about staying true to the plan, now we are telling you to be flexible. Prenatal visits are very personal, so the birth mother may want to change her plan for the visit once faced with the appointment. It’s best not to push her to stick to the original plan. Give her space for change. You have nothing to gain by forcing her hand.
Your role during this time is not passive. You will have an impact, so make it a positive one. Give the prospective birth mom plenty of encouragement and offer kind words whenever you have the opportunity. Proactively build her confidence and strengthen your bond. You may not always feel like being positive but do it to the best of your ability.
Understand Her Emotional Response
Women choose adoption from a place of love. It is normal for the birth mom to feel a connection to the baby, and therefore, have an emotional response to the prenatal visit. Don’t let this frighten you. Remember that just because she is placing the baby for adoption does not mean she has no bond with it. Embracing this fact will help you lay the foundation for raising your child with a positive outlook on adoption.
For more information and assistance with adoption in Florida, contact us at 727-202-8966.
Author: Destiny Adoption Services
Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.