After placing a child for adoption, you will experience a range of challenging emotions. Adoption is a lifelong journey, and it may take some time to find a “new normal” for your life. Many birth moms struggle, especially in the beginning, to navigate life after adoption. Here, we have gathered some tips to help you get through the dark times you will inevitably face and find your way to the joy that awaits you on the other side.
Remember Your “Why”
Birth mothers choose adoption out of love. You put a lot of thought and energy into your decision. Every birth parent has different reasons for making this choice, but your confidence in your decision will carry you through when things get tough. You selected a great family, created an adoption plan that is best for everyone involved, and you feel confident in your decisions. This will help you move forward. When things seem overwhelming, recall all the reasons you chose adoption. You made one of the most difficult decisions a person can face in life, and you did it because of your tremendous love for your child.
Experience Your Emotions
You will have good days and bad days. It’s important to allow yourself to feel those tough emotions when they arise. Attempting to push them down or bottle them up won’t serve you in healing. Grief is a process that comes and goes. Many people describe it as coming in waves. You may feel completely fine one moment, then want to run away and cry the next. When you feel those tears coming on, just let them flow. There is nothing wrong with having a good cry. Feel like screaming? Grab a pillow, press your face into it and scream. Let it all out. Everyone expresses emotions differently, so whatever works for you, is the best way to handle them. The key is to allow the feelings to come out.
Surround Yourself With Supportive People
Unfortunately, some people in your life may be unsupportive of your decision. Those who make negative comments or make you feel bad about yourself should be avoided. In fact, there may be some relationships that you simply must step away from for a while. On the other hand, there will be plenty of people who support you and have love to give during your healing. Surround yourself with these people. Allow them to support you and love you through the pain.
Do Something You Love
It’s helpful to keep yourself busy with things you enjoy. If you already have a hobby you’re passionate about, throw yourself into it. If nothing comes to mind, then start trying new things that you’ve always wanted to do. The idea here is self-love. You have just been through a major life event and made one of the most unselfish decisions a person can make. Now, spend some time loving yourself and doing things for you.
Birth Mom Support Group
Locate birth mother support groups in your area. Spending time with other people who have been through similar experiences is extremely helpful. This also gives you a chance to meet new people and experience an enormous amount of love and support. Here at Destiny Adoption, we host ongoing birth mother support groups. We often have new birth moms, along with those who placed a child many years ago. It’s wonderful to see these relationships grow and watch these ladies support each other through their adoption journeys.
Many birth parents find professional counseling or therapy helpful. Your adoption specialist can help you find an appropriate counselor/therapist. A trained professional will allow you to talk through your emotions, and they will provide coping mechanisms to help you understand your feelings.
Navigating life after placing a child for adoption can be challenging. Your journey is your own, and there is no “correct” way to work through it. Be kind to yourself, and allow others to help you through the tough times.
Contact us for more information and assistance.
Author: Destiny Adoption Services
Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.