Adoptive parents and birth parents all experience a variety of fears about adoption. To overcome this anxiety, you should educate yourself about adoption and take comfort in knowing you are not alone in your concerns. Facing the unknown can be frightening. You can ease some of your worries by learning about the adoption process.
Common Fears of Adoptive Parents
“My child will want to live with the birth parents someday.”
Many adoptive parents worry that one day their child one day will say something hurtful: “I want to live with my birth parents.” It’s important to remember that kids, especially teenagers, often speak out of anger and frustration. They rarely mean what they say in these explosive moments. Every parent deals with these outbursts, whether biological or adoptive. Your child will struggle with a variety of emotions, and if he says something like this, it is likely insincere.
“If I agree to open adoption, the birth parents will have a say in how I raise my child and will drop by my home.”
This stems from a common misconception about open adoptions. It’s important to understand there are many degrees of openness. Before placement, adoptive and birth parents will agree on the level of openness that makes everyone comfortable. It may include photographs, phone calls, emails or even annual visits. There is no open adoption circumstance in which a birth family is permitted to make parenting decisions. Open adoption is not the same as co-parenting.
“What if the birth mother changes her mind?”
Failed placements are a reality for which all adoptive parents must prepare. Birth parents have the right to change their minds, and this is a scary thought for prospective adoptive families. Speak with your adoption professional about ways to prepare for this possibility. You can also find suggestions in our article about coping with a failed placement.
Common Fears of Birth Parents
“Will my child be happy and cared for?”
The most common fear for birth parents is that their child will be neglected or unloved. It’s comforting to know that all adoptive parents go through a rigorous screening process. Many of these families have been longing for a child and waiting for many years to love and care for a baby. Additionally, you will select the family to adopt your child. So, you can get all the information you want about them, and even meet with them to make sure you are comfortable with your selection. Having a relationship with your chosen adoptive family will help ease your fears about your child’s future.
“My child will be angry with me”
Some birth parents worry that their child will have negative feelings toward them. We have written an article about this very topic called, “Will my child hate me?” While this is a valid fear, most adopted children today grow up in an adoption-positive environment. This means they are raised knowing that they are adopted and typically have good feelings toward their biological parents. Having some level of openness in an adoption helps facilitate a positive adoption experience for the child.
“What if I regret my decision?”
Adoption is permanent and final, therefore, make sure you are committed to the process. It’s normal to have feelings of grief and loss after placing a child for adoption. However, in the future, you want to be able to feel good about your decision and know that you made the right choice for you and your child. All birth parents put a great deal of thought into this decision. Trust yourself and your ability to choose what is best for everyone involved.
Hire a Licensed Adoption Agency to Help You Through Your Journey
Whether you are considering adoption as an adoptive parent, or as a birth parent, we are here to help. Our licensed adoption professionals are available 24/7 to speak with you and answer your questions. Call or text our Tennessee office at 865-392-6261 or our Florida office at 727-202-8966.
Author: Destiny Adoption Services
Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.