There is plenty of information about how to speak to your child about adoption. But there is much less advice about teaching your child how to talk to others about their adoption. Kids are curious, and they will ask questions. This is especially true if you and your child have apparent differences, as is often the case with international and interracial adoptions. It is helpful for your child to prepare and be ready to answer questions from others. Below are some tips to help you educate your child on how to speak with other people about adoption.

Tell Them Their Adoption Story

The first step is to make sure that your child knows his or her own adoption story. The more they know and understand, the better they will be able to explain it to others. Of course, they can decide how much they want to share, when and with whom. Let them know they are not obligated to tell their story, but it can be helpful to others who don’t understand. You want them to have positive feelings about their adoption and feel ashamed. But you don’t want them to feel pressured to explain it to others if they don’t feel compelled to do so.

Review Typical Questions

Your child is likely to hear some version of the same questions from various people. If they expect these inquiries, they can have answers ready. And they are less likely to become confused or upset by the questions.

Kids tend to blurt out whatever is on their mind. And their questions can come across as insensitive. It can be helpful to let your child know that some questions may seem rude or invasive. But most people are merely curious and don’t realize their approach is insensitive. Usually, adults who ask questions are more conscious of how they word them.

Below are some questions your child is likely to hear. Discuss these questions with your child. And help them plan answers that they are comfortable sharing. This allows you to provide your input and guidance for the best ways to answer.

Typical questions:

  • Who are your real parents?
  • Were you adopted?
  • Why don’t you look like your mom/dad/brother/sister?
  • Why didn’t your mom have her own kids?
  • Did your real parents not want you?

These are tough questions, and the structure is not the positive adoption language we prefer. But these questions reflect the realistic nature of inquiries your child will receive.

The job of an adoptive parent is to educate, protect and advocate for your child. Teaching them how to speak with others about adoption is part of that journey. Open and honest communication is always the best way to handle the sometimes-difficult terrain of adoption.


We hope you found the above information helpful. For more information and assistance about adoption, please contact us. 727-202-8966


Author: Destiny Adoption Services

Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.