No one is a mind reader, so it’s impossible to know how another person is really feeling. People rarely speak what is on their minds. Fortunately, some birth parents have been vocal about things they would like prospective adoptive parents to know. Below are some of the thoughts and feelings birth mothers have shared.


Don’t make promises you can’t keep. It’s easy to say what you think we want to hear. But you should think through things before you commit to it. Don’t agree to something you don’t want just to get a birth mother to choose your family. It won’t be a good fit and could end up hurting everyone involved.

We want to know you, the real you, and we don’t expect perfection. Represent yourself and your family honestly. We aren’t looking for the white picket fence and cookie-cutter family.


No one is going to take your baby from you. If you share your identifying information or invite us to visit your home, we will respect your privacy. After all, we trust you to care for our child, so it’s nice when you reciprocate that trust.

We have no desire to co-parent. We respect your role as parents. We don’t want to make parenting decisions. We just want to see that the child is safe and loved. We want to see our child happy with their family.

We want you to be yourself and know that you can be honest with us. Don’t withhold information because you think we might disagree with a decision you have made. You don’t need to walk on eggshells around us. We selected you to raise our child, and we know you will do things differently than we would.

We are on your side and want to see your family succeed. If you ever hear the dreaded phrase, “you are not my real parents,” we will be there to back you up and reinforce to the child that you are, in fact, the parents.


We are the center of attention before placement. Then afterward, we go home with empty arms and a heavy heart. We are often very alone and need you to reach out to check on us. People aren’t coming by our home to dote on a new baby. We aren’t receiving gifts and congratulations. In fact, we are often avoided by others because they feel awkward and don’t know what to say or do. Please take a few moments to say hello and see how we are feeling. We don’t want to beg for pictures and updates. Let us know you appreciate our sacrifices by sending us updates without us prompting you to do so.


The relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents is unique. Trust and respect are just a few of the building blocks that strengthen the relationship. Remember the wonderful gift your child’s birth mother gave you and treat her with the appreciation she deserves. Not only before placement but throughout the entire journey as well.

For more information and assistance, contact our adoption professionals at 727-202-8966.


Author: Destiny Adoption Services

Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.