Some birth parents have a genuine fear that their child will have negative feelings toward them because of their decision to place the child for adoption. This is a valid concern. However, most contemporary adoptions are handled in a way that helps kids grow up with a better understanding of their birth families and the reasons they chose adoption.

Modern Adoption

Prior to the 1980s, adoption was generally closed and secretive. Children were rarely told of their adoption until much later in life. This created unnecessary emotional scarring because they were not properly educated about the adoption process. They often knew little or nothing of their birth parents.

Today, however, things are handled very differently. In open adoptions, the birth parents have a relationship with the child and adoptive family. Even in less-open circumstances, adoptive parents tell their children that they are adopted from the very beginning. As a society, we have learned that it is best to tell children about their first family, rather than trying to keep it a secret.

Because of the open nature of adoption, kids grow up with overwhelming positive feelings toward their birth parents. They understand the courage and love involved in the decision. They appreciate the sacrifice their birth parents made to give them a great life.

Tremendous Love

A child who grows up in a loving home is likely to appreciate the choice his birth mother made to place him for adoption. Many adoptive parents have tried for years to have a child, and they have waited even more time to receive a child through adoption. Their desire to parent is very strong because of the struggles they have endured. Adopted children frequently have happy lives. The adoptive parents feel so fortunate to have a child, they give the child an enormous amount of love and provide every opportunity for the youngster to grow and experience life at its fullest. It’s difficult for any child growing up in this situation to harbor negative feelings toward a birth parent who provided such a supportive and loving family.

Statistical Evidence

Research indicates that adopted children reach adulthood as happy and as healthy as children who remained with their birth parents. In some cases, they have more advantages than children in the general population. A 2007 report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services titled “Adoption USA” examines these findings. It states that 85% of adopted children are in excellent health, and they are more likely to have health insurance than their peers in the general population. Additional benefits for adopted children include:

  • They are more likely to be read to daily as children.
  • They are more likely to be involved in extracurricular activities.
  • More than half are reported to have above-average math and language skills.


It is normal for birth parents to have concerns about how their child may feel toward them in the future. It may be comforting to know that most adopted children today have positive feelings toward their birth parents. Selecting a great family for your child will help shape his or her favorable feelings toward you.

Contact Destiny Adoption for more information and assistance.


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Author: Destiny Adoption Services

Destiny Adoption Services is proud to support and guide birth parents and adoptive families on the journey of adoption. We’re a state licensed nonprofit adoption agency with four decades of adoption experience, and our professional team of experts includes moms, adoptive moms and birth mothers who provide compassion combined with trusted resources and skills.